So, like, who are you, dude?
Oh, you know, just a guy who likes to write, enjoys listening to the Monkees, reads depressing Jewish novels, and collects stray cats. Nothing special.

Sick, dude, but cool. Where did you get the haircut, man, it’s totally rad.
Actually, I owe that to my father, since I inherited his ‘do (sadly).

Gotcha. Hey I really want to buy your books, but I just spent all my money on Mike’s Hard Lemonade and Ruffles Ridged Potato Chips.
Dude, I hear you, and empathize. Tell you what, if you email me your name and address, I’ll send you a free postcard of my cat Daphne endorsing my latest book, A Christmas Eve Story. (This will surprise you, but it’s a Christmas novel.) That ought to whet your appetite.

Radacious! So how long you been writing stuff?
I wrote my first novel, The New Boarder, in 1981 at age 17. I get inspired when I’m deeply depressed and need fiction writing as a therapy. Since my teen years were about as cheerful as the Nuremberg Trials, I had plenty to work with.

Sucks, man. You depressed now?
Not particularly.

Awesome! So does Daphne really like your books?
Big time. She’s my biggest cheerleader.

Whoa, totally psyched on that. Hey, before I go, you got any questions for me?
Mercifully, no.

Okay, one last question: Is it hot in Orlando?
We have two seasons: mild and scalding.

Beasting and feasting, bro.
My sentiments exactly.