Editor’s Note: Circuit Court Judge Hubert L. Grimes has seen a lot of teenagers brought into his courtroom, facing criminal charges, and he believes a lot of their problems start when they’re very young, and get upset and act out when they want something … and discover their parents quickly give in to their demands. As they grow up, the judge has cautioned, these teens develop the view that aggressive behavior gets them what they want, and they end up not respecting authority figures like teachers or law enforcement officials. He’s written a book, “How To Keep Your Child From Going to Jail,” that urges parents not to be too permissive and to let their children know from a very young age that it’s the adults who are in charge, not the children, and he urges them to discipline their children if needed, and see what works — including corporal punishment.
Alpha Male Ryan got his share of spankings as a child, and as a young adult, found himself in prison, surrounded by other men in their twenties filled with aggression and a belief that fighting solves all problems. Ryan takes issue with the judge’s theory, and says his own example proves that physical discipline on children doesn’t eliminate aggression, but sadly intensifies it.
No, you don’t need to put your hands on a kid to get them to understand right from wrong.
Think about it — how is being aggressive with your child and using discipline going to change their attitude that what they’re doing is wrong? It’s not. What you’re saying is, “I’ll spank you, then you’ll fear me.”
You’re sending the wrong message. There’s compliance out of fear — and compliance out of respect. You don’t want them to fear law enforcement; you want them to respect law enforcement.
If your kid is acting up, yes, you teach them there will be consequences — but it doesn’t have to be physical. You can teach them with words, too. If your child respects you, they’ll feel that way, too.
I’m not going that far as to say that spanking is always abuse, but I just don’t think it’s acceptable for me to use it on my child. Let’s say if your son or child tends to go to school, and slaps another kid. What do you tell your kid? That “You’re not supposed to hit?” How do you tell your kid that if you hit him, too?
I think that if you raise your kids properly, they will have respect for you — and respect for authority figures.
That’s what the military does. When you go to military boot camp, the instructors don’t have to beat the crap out of you to make you respect them. The people who came up with these programs that the military instills in their recruits know what they’re doing. Are you telling me they’re wrong?
Me, I got spanked as a kid. I got hit with a belt. It wasn’t fun, I’ll tell you that. Spanking and hitting kids, it only makes them resentful, and if your kids resent you, they don’t have room for respect. You don’t get respect by beating your kid.
I saw this in prison with the other inmates. They were never taught right from wrong. They were never taught proper respect by their parents.
They learned in other ways. They were learning from certain books they’d read in prison, and I read those books, too. We’d all read these urban novels they have in the prison library, about killing and fighting. It’s fictional gangster books they read. It gives the inmates a false impression of what’s cool and what’s important in life.
They got the wrong message growing up, from parents who beat them. If the parents had been teaching them right from wrong and respect, and disciplined them that way — rather than putting their hands on them — they might not have gone to prison.
What does hitting them do? It just makes these inmates mad, knowing if you get in trouble, you’re just going to get your a** whooped.
Physical disciple isn’t going to get any accomplished goal of compliance with respect. That’s compliance with fear.
That’s what the corrections officers use in prison, too — fear. Intimidation, The corrections officers don’t have respect for the inmates. It was just ‘Do this or you go to jail, do that or go to jail.’ Jail in prison is the hole — solitary confinement.
Some of the corrections officers do show respect for the inmates, but the vast majority of them don’t. So the inmates responded with resentment. It caused a lot of the inmates to get ticked off and take it out on the other inmates, because you can’t exactly take it out on the guards, can you?
Does fear make them less violent? A lot of the inmates, if they get mad at you because your raised your voice too loud or you bumped into them in the hall, the first thing they want to do is fight.
It’s a never-ending cycle. It just keeps going and going and going.
Do you want to keep your kids out of prison? I say it again: you don’t get respect by beating your kids.
Teach them to respect you.
Teach them to respect authority figures.
If you teach them those things, well …. they probably won’t end up in prison in the first place, like I did.
Contact Alpha Male Ryan at FreelineOrlando@Gmail.com.